D E N I A L
by DiAnna44
Summary: Nico didn't want to want him. He didn't want to want the boy with sea-green eyes, Percy Jackson. But Nico's learned that you can't always have what you want. One-sided pernico one-shot.


** DENIAL**

* * *

_Denial. _

It was a word that was always on his mind when he was near Percy. He hated the word. He denied the word, denying that he was in _denial_.

_Denial. _

He didn't understand why it hurt him so. He hated the word. He loathed it because the truth of it all was starting to rain down on him, maybe even in his own tears. He didn't care though. He couldn't care. He just couldn't. It wasn't acceptable in his mind. How could it be? He refused. He denied.

_Denial. _

He smiled at her and his insides were screaming. He didn't know how to react. He didn't want to not know how to react. So he forced his feelings down his throat, never saying the secret aloud. It just wasn't right. He continued to persist in his feelings. It would not be true.

_Denial. _

They were gone for a long time and he hid himself away, shuffling his cards and waiting for their return. He wanted them to be safe and alive. Percy and Bianca…but definitely his sister. He didn't care why he wanted Percy to be safe and breathing. He didn't linger on those thoughts. He only continued to shuffle his cards without a purpose. There was no reason.

There couldn't be a reason.

_Denial. _

They were back.

But she was not back. It was Percy that told him. He didn't understand at first. He didn't want it to be true. He wanted to hate him and he did. He hated him so much, but even as that hate raged throughout him as he blamed Percy, he couldn't deny it anymore.

Oh but he did. It coursed throughout him and then he was running. He didn't know how long it had been since Percy told him. He was completely unaware. He needed her. He needed to have someone else to love, but she was gone. He tried. Oh how he tried to bring her back.

It didn't work. Nothing worked. He was alone. He was lost. But he couldn't face the cold truth. He didn't want to. He just kept on denying it.

_Denial._

He wished he still denied the fact that he was in love with the Son of the Sea God. He wished he was still in the state where when Percy might smile at him, he would blush but blame it on the fact because not many people smiled at him. He wished he didn't feel ashamed every single time he was around Percy. So he left. He didn't want to come back. He didn't want to feel anything.

But he realized a long time ago you can't always have what you want.

_Painful. _

It was all pain now.

Nothing else except for that small flicker of happiness at being noticed by the hero with sea-green eyes. He hated that feeling. He felt guilty and he felt pain like nothing else. Worry was constantly on his mind. Worry of being found out. Worry of Percy leaving this living world forever. Worry that he Percy would hate him even if he didn't know just how much he loved him.

His father knew. His father hated his choice, trying to make him stop. He wished it would stop too. Because he hated feeling so bad. He hated hating himself.

He just wanted it to stop.

_Denial. _

He found him. He couldn't believe his eyes. He was here with his other sister. How could he be here? Percy was staring at him and he saw the flicker of recognition. Maybe this was for the better? It would be better if Percy ignored him.

He denied ever seeing Percy before. He denied it. He was back to his denial, but he didn't care. He needed to escape. He wanted to leave. It was just too much for him to keep staring at those beautiful eyes of his.

**_Denial. _**

He had let go of his hand. For her. Of course he let go of his hand, but Percy didn't understand. He needed him to be back. Some said he was dead. Some said he would be sure to die soon. Others said he'd find a way out. He didn't know what to say. He knew he wasn't dead because he was watching. But would it be easier if he was dead?

Maybe it would be easier if he was the one dead.

He made those thoughts vanish almost instantly. No. He knew what it would be like when he was dead. It would not help. He just needed to wait.

_Unmistakable. _

He loved him. At first it was a crush. At first it was something he could toss aside and deny with all of his might, but now it was so obvious.

He would never tell him.

He couldn't.

He didn't want to want him. It killed him inside.

It didn't matter anymore.

It just couldn't matter.

So even though he knew, he went back to what he did before. He denied those feelings of his. He kept them safely tucked away in the hole in his heart.

And he soon came to love the word.

_Denial. _

It was him. He was denial, and he hated it.

But just one smile for the boy with sea-green eyes, it didn't matter.

He just kept on denying.

* * *

**_*So this idea came to me out of literally nowhere as I was watching Free! amv's...it's sort of freaking depressing I guess and I hope you liked it. I don't know. It only took like seven minutes to write. :) _**

**_I would really appreciate if you left a review, and adding it as a favorite wouldn't be bad either haha :)_**

**_Bai guys. _**

**_-DiAnna44_**

My FanFiction Facebook Page- **DiannaFanFictionWriter**

My Tumblr- **iwannapandanamedchubs**

**(btw for some who might want to know this isn't my only pernico story *Shamelessly self promoting* (Who cares) haha) ;)**


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